Truth is a tough topic to discuss and so often it’s avoided. Even in our most truthful moments I would dare to say we are still holding back that last 10%.
The truth about truth is that…. it’s scary. Without it we can’t begin to build trust. Trust is vital to honest communication. Without honest healthy communication in the workplace environment everything will fall apart – quickly, or with a slow erode. Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s all tightly connected and grossly intertwined. Without truth, trust, and communication, our teams at work will not survive.
Today we touch on truth: the good, bad and ugly.
What does truth look like?
-
Self-awareness
-
Risk-taking
-
Seeing the “gift” in it
Two people can be looking at the same situation or be listening to the same conversation and come to different truths. Our truth is based on several factors, with a main one being our past experiences and how we chose to interact in the world. (Digging deeper into that important topic is for another blog post).
How do you deliver the truth with love?
Truth can catch you off guard. If spoken in the “wrong” tone or from the “wrong” person, at the “wrong” time, it can be detrimental to a relationship. Depending on how you control your words and manage your emotions, truth-telling can be labeled as bullying behavior, especially at work.
Let’s use the seemingly harmless truth statement, “You missed the meeting Monday morning”, as an example.
Scenario 1
Your boss comes to you in the private of your office with genuine concern. You’ve worked for him for two years and have built mutual-respect and trust in your relationship. He approaches your desk and immediately says “You missed the meeting Monday morning” and follows it up with “Is everything ok?”. He inquires about your personal life, with a look of care on his face. He reminds you that if you’d like to talk, his door is always open.
Scenario 2
Your company just had a change in leadership less than 2 months ago. You aren’t yet sold on your new boss, mostly because in your opinion he hasn’t worked to gain your trust and seems to throw around his authority too often. So yes, you were late for the Monday morning meeting, yet you have a very good reason. It seems you weren’t missed though as no one has said anything to you. However, in the lunch room sitting with 6 of your colleagues, the boss yells across the room “You missed the meeting Monday morning”. From your vantage point and belief system, you can only assume that he’s trying to embarrass you, otherwise, according to your relationship “rule-book”, he would have asked you in private. Yow. What a jerk.
The truth about truth
Both bosses use the same statement about missing the Monday morning meeting. Yet, look at how this simple truth can come off very differently depending on who says it and how it’s delivered. The boss in scenario 2 may not have meant to embarrass his employee, but due to a lack of trust in the relationship (and most likely old baggage for him), the employee instantly jumps to blaming his boss for bullying him in front of his co-workers.
Can you see how a more difficult statement such as “You sabotaged my last sales deal” or “You screwed me on that last promotion” quickly escalates and creates a new drama of persecutor and victim? If these type of accusations are not re-packaged and delivered with integrity and care, another snowball of ill-will, dislike, and finger pointing oozes and spreads throughout the company. I get a pit in my stomach as I type this kind of scenario. It’s messy, and it happens all the time. It doesn’t have to. It’s time to stop.
Our Communication Groups meet monthly to come together and discuss relationship and communication issues. During these regularly scheduled meetings, each group member is committed to their own and each others personal and professional growth. Unchecked stories we make up in our heads, get checked out- the kind that build resentments brick by brick and create havoc. We have found that for business relationships to stay clean and clear, and if the desired outcome is for trust to be built and retained, a foundation doing a reality check around the stories we tell ourselves, of speaking-the truth-with-love type of communication is key.
Are you open to hear and see the “gift” that is present when a person risks to share their truth – the truth of how your actions or behavior impacts them? This type of relating requires time, commitment, and a desire to become more self aware. It also requires becoming more vulnerable. Communication is encouraged and truth sharing is met with positive forward movement.
How do your leaders share the tough truths at work? Or is that last 10% still being ignored?