Women: Some of the Most Unforgiving Leaders

“If a woman can only succeed by emulating men, I think it is a great loss and not a success. The aim is not only for a woman to succeed, but to keep her womanhood and let her womanhood influence society.” – Susan Brogger

“Keep her womanhood.” What does that mean? Keep it? Why, where did it go? Have we given it away?

I believe we give away our womanhood, which includes a combination of power and gentleness, when we lower our personal integrity bars. What I am referring to in this article is the fact that women in the workplace can be some of the most unforgiving, insensitive, and unsupportive leaders in Corporate America. The more I speak to and work with companies and executive teams, the more I am amazed at the amount of cat fighting that goes on among our own kind! Have you experienced this? Have you participated in this? Maybe your first step is to raise your personal integrity bar of how you treat and speak to/about other women.

And let me add: Men, you don’t get off the hook for this one. You too have your own pettiness that needs to be addressed. (You think we don’t see or feel it? Seriously?) However, for today and the purpose of this article, I’m speaking directly to the women.

Student on an interview

“The more women help one another, the more we help ourselves. Acting like a coalition truly does produce results. Any coalition of support must also include men, many of whom care about gender inequality as much as women do.” – Sheryl Sandberg

Women think with facts and figures. That is a fact. Another well known fact is that we use our heart, emotions, and personal connections to build mutually respectful relationships. This I would argue is one of our main strengths and what Fortune 500 companies need more of.

Dr. Brené Brown is the author ofDaring Greatly, and a groundbreaking researcher into the topics of shame, worthiness, and courage. She is quickly becoming one of the most followed female leaders of our time. If you are not familiar with her, please watch her amazing TED talks. Her combination of head and heart speaks to audiences of both men and women. I recently heard Brené at Willow Creek Leadership Summit in Barrington, IL, where she shared how vulnerability and courage is the new definition of leadership.

People need 3 basic things: To be seen & loved. To belong. And to be brave.

Connection is why we’re here.

Every human being is neurobiologically hardwired for connection, and, relationships in general can be messy. We know that – especially when we’re fully engaged in what we’re doing, and doing it with passion. So why try to avoid messiness if we know it’s going to happen? In order to share our thoughts and feelings, so to be heard and attempt to not put people on the defense, we need simple communication tools used in an intentional, structured way. Easy-peasy? Well, no, not always. Not until you get the hang of it.

Have the courage and take the risk to live full out – to speak our truth in what we want and what we believe. Women are incredibly intuitive. Let’s not put that light under a bushel a moment longer. Let’s all vow – men and women, to commit to living and speaking from a place of courage. So we bring messiness into the world – at home and work, because we care. If done right, messiness can bring people closer together – not further apart. Brené ended her talk with, “If you’re contributing more than you’re criticizing then you’re being brave.”

With all of the great opportunities arising for women, why are we still the first to judge when another woman walks in the room? We are the toughest on a new female co-worker, and are the first to gossip when we hear the latest secrets circulating around the office. We are only making our relationships messier, and our reputation for being catty – only stronger.

My challenge to you:

  1. Step up as leaders, CEO’s, and women.
  2. Speak up about stopping gossip.
  3. Actively avoid the unhealthy closed-door conversations.
  4. Respect your female counterparts enough to have face-to-face, honest conversations.
  5. Support each other.
  6. Keep communication open.
  7. And for goodness sake stop backstabbing each other.

Together is how we will make the biggest impact on our workplaces. Let’s be real. We’re all so imperfect. Let’s quit pretending like we’re not and that everything is “just fine.” Speak about what’s bothering us, what doesn’t feel good, or seem right. Let’s continue to share what we’re scared about, or why we’re angry. Face-to-face with the person. Come on ladies!

Women are changing the world.

I believe this. Do You?