Category Archives: Communication

3 Things I’ve Learned From Speaking to Groups

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One of my most favorite activities in life is to speak to groups of people about topics I’m passionate about. (I know – weird.) I love speaking and interacting with groups, not because of the rush of excitement I feel walking out on stage or the high energy exuding from the hundreds of attendees. I love when I’m in this space because I have the opportunity to learn and grow through each of the attendees I meet. The authentic interactions I have with complete strangers during and after my talks often leaves me humbled and tender. I’ve listed below 3 areas where I’ve become more self-aware, continually learning from taking risk, walking into my fear, and speaking to/sharing myself with a wide variety of audiences. Here we go!

1. Never stop asking questions

These days, I’m surprised with the line of people waiting to ask follow-up questions after my talks. Individuals want to know how they can go deeper on the subject, what actions they can start today, and what are the best tools to get them there fast. I can so identify with these eager beavers/life-long learners/I want-to-be-the-best-I-can-be kind of people. I believe life is more fun…and colorful…when we go after life and are willing to fully express and share our own experiences and learn from each others stories, and then take action!

I am inspired by the passion of the groups I work with who desire to learn and grow and keep their brain functioning at a high level. Asking questions does just this. It helps you to fight boredom and keeps you in touch with the world. Your brain doesn’t go on autopilot, rather it challenges, pokes at, and strives to improve your world, which then affords you the chance to help improve others.

2. Helping others, ends up helping you

After I speak to a group of people I receive multiple emails about how I helped them think through a situation or address a relationship differently. I have files full of testimonials about how their communication has changed, and how the tools I shared are now helping them not only at work, but also at home in their personal life. They sincerely thank me for giving them the courage to step up and out, to take a risk, and to break an old pattern that isn’t working anymore. They are able to find their voice…”to sing my own song,” as one woman wrote, I love being used in this way.

The ironic thing about receiving these emails is that the writer has no idea that they are helping me grow. Every email or question I get challenges me to think differently, to sharpen and expand my toolkit. After my presentation I get to hear personal stories one-on-one and so often I am certain I am staring at myself in a mirror. Something they say or a realization they had, that they were willing to share with me, often becomes the answer to the very problem weighing on my own heart. I love that.

3. Community matters

If you are a speaker, then you’ll know what I’m talking about: when you walk into the room to speak, whether there are 5 or 500 people, there is a spark in that room that is clearly present. The energy from everyone fills the room and ignites the conversation, with another individual or in your heart.

While one-on-one you can have deep and honest conversations, in large groups with only one person speaking, there is also a magic that happens when you are open and mindful of the in-the-moment experience. There is an accountability and camaraderie that comes with being a part of a larger group, experiencing that specific tender or hilarious moment together, which again, if you’re mindful, you’re aware it will never happen again. We are making big changes together. I love those moments when I’m on stage and my eyes lock…with many of yours.

The Culture Group Featured in Modern Luxury

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We are excited to share with you our most recent feature in NS Modern Luxury, one of the premiere luxury lifestyle publishers in the United States.
Here’s the article, feel free to read the full magazine, or skip to page 72 to read Communications 101!

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We invite you to connect with us in our communities online!

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Twitter: @theculturegroup

Google+: The Culture Group

 

Speak the Truth in Love

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Truth is a tough topic to discuss and so often it’s avoided. Even in our most truthful moments I would dare to say we are still holding back that last 10%.

The truth about truth is that…. it’s scary.  Without it we can’t begin to build trust.  Trust is vital to honest communication.   Without honest healthy communication in the workplace environment everything will fall apart – quickly, or with a slow erode.  Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s all tightly connected and grossly intertwined. Without truth, trust, and communication, our teams at work will not survive.

Today we touch on truth: the good, bad and ugly.

What does truth look like?

  • Self-awareness

  • Risk-taking

  • Seeing the “gift” in it

Two people can be looking at the same situation or be listening to the same conversation and come to different truths. Our truth is based on several factors, with a main one being our past experiences and how we chose to interact in the world.  (Digging deeper into that important topic is for another blog post).

How do you deliver the truth with love?

Truth can catch you off guard.  If spoken in the “wrong” tone or from the “wrong” person, at the “wrong” time, it can be detrimental to a relationship. Depending on how you control your words and manage your emotions, truth-telling can be labeled as bullying behavior, especially at work.

Let’s use the seemingly harmless truth statement, “You missed the meeting Monday morning”, as an example.

Scenario 1

Your boss comes to you in the private of your office with genuine concern. You’ve worked for him for two years and have built mutual-respect and trust in your relationship. He approaches your desk and immediately says “You missed the meeting Monday morning” and follows it up with “Is everything ok?”. He inquires about your personal life, with a look of care on his face.   He reminds you that if you’d like to talk, his door is always open.

Scenario 2

Your company just had a change in leadership less than 2 months ago. You aren’t yet sold on your new boss, mostly because in your opinion he hasn’t worked to gain your trust and seems to throw around his authority too often. So yes, you were late for the Monday morning meeting, yet you have a very good reason.  It seems you weren’t missed though as no one has said anything to you.  However, in the lunch room sitting with 6 of your colleagues, the boss yells across the room “You missed the meeting Monday morning”.  From your vantage point and belief system, you can only assume that he’s trying to embarrass you, otherwise, according to your relationship “rule-book”, he would have asked you in private.  Yow.  What a jerk.

The truth about truth

Both bosses use the same statement about missing the Monday morning meeting.  Yet, look at how this simple truth can come off very differently depending on who says it and how it’s delivered. The boss in scenario 2 may not have meant to embarrass his employee, but due to a lack of trust in the relationship (and most likely old baggage for him), the employee instantly jumps to blaming his boss for bullying him in front of his co-workers.

Can you see how a more difficult statement such as “You sabotaged my last sales deal” or “You screwed me on that last promotion” quickly escalates and creates a new drama of persecutor and victim?  If these type of accusations are not re-packaged and delivered with integrity and care, another snowball of ill-will, dislike, and finger pointing oozes and spreads throughout the company.  I get a pit in my stomach as I type this kind of scenario.  It’s messy, and it happens all the time.  It doesn’t have to.  It’s time to stop.

Our Communication Groups meet monthly to come together and discuss relationship and communication issues.  During these regularly scheduled meetings, each group member is committed to their own and each others personal and professional growth.  Unchecked stories we make up in our heads, get checked out- the kind that build resentments brick by brick and create havoc.   We have found that for business relationships to stay clean and clear, and if the desired outcome is for trust to be built and retained, a foundation doing a reality check around the stories we tell ourselves, of  speaking-the truth-with-love type of communication is key.

Are you open to hear and see the “gift” that is present when a person risks to share their truth – the truth of how your actions or behavior impacts them?  This type of relating requires time, commitment, and a desire to become more self aware.  It also requires becoming more vulnerable.  Communication is encouraged and truth sharing is met with positive forward movement.

How do your leaders share the tough truths at work? Or is that last 10% still being ignored?

Grow Up Mr./Ms. Bully

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We learn at an early age about the power of bullying from our time spent on the playground. It’s seen as a game, as the stronger kids tease and belittle the weaker and less popular classmates. At such a young age they don’t understand the longterm effects this verbal and physical abuse will have.

The problem we are seeing in the office is as these child bullies move into the workforce they are creating a culture that intensifies stress symptoms such as high blood pressure, migraines and anxiety. David Shrank, Founder and CEO of Empowerment Behavioral Services, states that “Those bullied as a child can be especially sensitive to comments as they become working adults, and can become bullies themselves.” The assumption that adults always have adult behavior is a common misconception, and childhood issues can affect the level of maturity an adult has.

Who is the bully in your office?

If you are lucky enough to not have an office bully, congratulations!

For the rest of us, there is probably at least one co-worker, manager or partner who uses their power to dominate, antagonize and intimidate you and the rest of the team.

If you can’t think of who the bully is – consider it might be you. And consider that you probably aren’t a “full-time” bully, but how about a “part-time” or occasional mean girl or guy? Take time to remember your conversations with your team/members and how you spoke to them.

Characteristics of a bully at work:

  • Takes all the credit for successes
  • Critical
  • Disrespectful
  • Self-interested
  • Withholds information, uses information as power
  • Often gives out verbal and written warnings without justification
  • Creates fear and uncertainty among team members
  • Passive-aggressive behavior

How to talk to the bully in your office

1.) Confront them in privacy

When you confront the bully in your office, be prepared for a tough conversation. You don’t want the bully to feel ganged up on and take the defense, yet you also don’t want to come off as weak and say “You hurt my feelings”. This is bullying fuel for them. Work to understand why they have targeted you. The manager who is giving you such grief might not even realize they are doing it. In a lot of cases these intimidators were either victims of bullies in school, at home, or were one themselves. This might be the only way they know to communicate and get things done around the office.

2.) Don’t add in your own opinions

Tell them the indisputable facts of what the behavior is, how it is affecting your work, and what you won’t tolerate in the future. Say it and be done. Let the bully take time to mull over your feedback. It’s often said that a bully confronted toe-to-toe comes back and thanks the person for their bravery because so few stand up to them If they decide to not listen it might be time to involve more people. Remember to continually ask yourself: “Is this the kind of workplace culture we want to have?”

3.) Keep calm

Control your emotions during your conversation and avoid letting the bully see that their words are getting to you. Slow your speaking down and take breaths in between thoughts. If your anger and frustration rise so will the bully’s and your words won’t be heard. (Note: These steps are also helpful for bullies in our personal lives.)

4.) Ask for help

You’ve tried to talk to the bully, maybe multiple times and nothing seems to be improving the situation. I encourage you to discuss the actions with your boss or HR and agree on action steps to end the problem

Most likely you aren’t the only one in the office feeling victim to a bully. Don’t make excuses and permit them to continue pushing people around the office. Have the tough conversation today and stand up for yourself and your co-workers. It’s time!